Fourty one and a half

As I begin this post, there are only 41 1/2 hours left until I leave for Haiti. 41 1/2 hours. Crazy in light of the fact I have been thinking about this since March! All the prayer, all the fundraising, all the meetings and prep are finally culminating in this huge trip. This will be my first trip to a third world country, my first trip to a country where poverty is dominant, not to mention the physical and emotional devastation that is still evident due to the earthquake in Haiti last year. I am beyond excited to see what is going to happen on this trip. Honestly, even though this has been almost 5 months in the making, I still feel unprepared for all that we will experience there. I feel so blessed to be able to share this trip with two close friends--the fact that God put this trip and these people on all three of our hearts unknowingly still amazes me and affirms the knowledge that he wants me on this trip. That, and the fact that through the generosity of so many friends and family, this trip was fully financially funded. That part of this whole experience still amazes me. I've never had need to raise so much for this trip and I'll be honest, it was intimidating. But I just have to say, I am in awe at how He provides. God has proven this time and time again in different situations in my life, and yet when he provided this time, I still found myself amazed. I think it was the fact that He showed me the depth of generosity of people and their desire to be a part of the opportunity to serve, that surprised me the most. Honestly, I just felt surrounded by love and support when I would receive checks and little letters and notes filled with prayers for our team's safety, work, and the Haitian people. It was a type of generosity that I've never experienced before and it was beautiful. 

I cannot wait to meet some of the Haitian people who I've heard so much about in the last few months. I am so looking forward to building relationships with them, hearing their stories and gaining a more true and realistic awareness of what their lives are like day to day. I am just praying that God will allow me and my team to be open to what they have to share, to have me listen and understand with a heart that is willing to put aside my biases and my preconceived ideas of what life is and should be like for these people. I think, most simply put, I just want to learn to love as Christ loves. I know it is a simple desire, but it's one I think we overlook a lot. I mean, what a huge aspiration, but one we are called to as followers and children of God. We need to love as fully, as unconditionally and uninhibited as Christ does, even though we recognize that we fail in this everyday, at least I do. On this trip, this is what I pray my main focus will remain as, to love without bias, as fully as I can, and do this fully by the empowerment of the Holy Spirit. I am not sure how this will look and honestly, I think it will be different in each situation I am in, whether its with the kids in VBS, hanging out with my team around camp, or with the people I meet at the market. But no matter the location and no matter the person, the purpose and the calling for all of us to love remains the same, so I just want to be open for Christ's love for these individuals to show in my actions and responses in this next week.
Please pray for this desire to kind of pour out of each person on our team this week!

Beginning in the Middle

That's what I feel like this blog is. The beginning of my putting to paper, rather web page {you will soon find out I don't know a thing about computer/web lingo} a jumble of half formed, half processed thoughts and opinions dancing around my mind. Though I love to write, I rarely have the patience these days to journal. It's is so much faster to type! So maybe that should be phase two in this process: First, learn to discipline myself to finish out these ponderings {word? now it is.} Second, teach myself to let go of the desire to just spill the thoughts out as quickly as possibly on this computer and take the time to scribble and refine the words on smooth, even planes of a bound piece of paper. Oh, but here I go already...starting one thought right in the middle of another...

 I've wanted to blog for a long time. I've always felt a pull towards the idea that you are free to put your opinions out there for all the world to see, but not necessarily knowing who actually sees those thoughts and knowing their reaction to my words.

I'll admit, I feel a little silly starting a blog. For a long time I fought against two self-imposed beliefs. One being that if I blogged, I simply be one of millions following a trend. The second being that no one, aside from some very close friends, would read this blog, so why take the time and energy to write down all this which would matter to no one. Looking back, the first belief has come true in some sense. However, I don't think of it as negative any longer. Funny, whenever I read blogs, I never view them as inconsequential or jumping on the bandwagon. Rather, I admired the fact that these were vulnerable people who were willing to put their ideas, beliefs, and experiences out there for all of us to read. I especially felt this way when reading close friends blogs. Keisha, yours has always been one that I have especially admired. The poise and creativity with which you express yourself is always so genuine.

This realization this led me right into dispelling this second belief--that no one would read the blog, and even if they did, what would it matter to them. I mean, I read people's blogs all the time and love them! Yes, they might just be sharing about their day, but I find it fascinating that such details are willing to be shared. It's easy to become attached and feel like that person, that family is someone special to you, even though you've never met. Plus, when reading blogs of the friends and family I do know, I feel so connected, such a part of their lives, even though we live so far apart. All that to say, who's to say that maybe what I write, may make someone else feel the same way. I don't think that people write about changing the flat tire on their car in heels on the way to the parent teacher conference with three kids, ages 2-9, messing around in the car, expecting reader's lives to be changed. But it could change someone's life. Yes, that could be very idealistic and cliche, but I like cliche sometimes. And, maybe it's true. Maybe someone can relate to that and they are sitting there after a long day and realize, 'wow, someone else knows what it feels like.' To me, that is awesome. Completely worth it. So maybe, just maybe, some experience I write about, or some phrase I say in one of these blogs, will resonate with someone. If nothing else, maybe it will spark a discussion, or just a train of thought in someone. And the idea that simple words might influence a simple thought {in a friend or a stranger}, is enough for me to want to write a ton. Even if this blog only serves to update some special friends and family on what is happening over here in Northwest Arkansas, I've decided it's is definitely worth a try.

So this might be a bunch a ramblings thoughts that don't quite make sense yet, but I think that the Lord has a funny way of being able to put together a bunch of mixed up thoughts and incomplete sentences and creating something that is glorifying to Him. I think I am just going to let him continue to mold me in this process. 

Now, as a side note: This blog will probably look a little different each time I post something--mainly because I am a perfectionist and until I figure out how to get all the colors and fonts and backgrounds just the way I want them, the aesthetics will be a work in progress :). Bear with me as I figure out links and pictures, and all that and please give me points and tips about how to make it more creative and reader friendly and such! Now that I am reading through all this, I kind of like the idea that the look of the blog will be a work in progress, just like the words...hmm. Funny.